In Which Seifer Attempts To Be Introspective
by Rethira
Summary: ...and Fails Spectacularly. ONESHOT, Seifer/Squall. A bit cracky.


Okay, so this was born of my desire to see Squall being completely badass, because we all know he is. Also, though I love Seifer, I feel he gets let off too easily in most after-Sorceress-is-dead fics. Thus, we have Seifer being placed in mortal danger and Squall being badass. Please enjoy and go read DB2020's marvelous fics, especially Jail Cell Blues and Reunion of Rivals.

Warnings: language, Seifer being Seifer, boys kissing.

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VIII. I wish I did. Then I could fix the battle system and make it more slash-tastic.

* * *

**In Which Seifer Attempts To Be Introspective and Fails Spectacularly**

Seifer kind of hated the way all the people were staring at him like he was the Devil. It was bad enough he was being led to his death (pleasedon'tletitbeSquallpleasedon'tletitbeSquall), they didn't have to stare at him like he was evil incarnate. Wasn't there some sort of rule about people about to be executed? He was sure SeeDs (the little bastards were organising this) weren't meant to put on a huge show like this when they were executing someone.

Seifer figured he'd had a good run of it. He'd had a good life. Done most of the things he'd wanted to. And he wasn't going to be an old man, which was a plus. Just a shame he couldn't go down in combat (they'd muttered something about him being too dangerous and how he couldn't be trusted to die). Oh, and he was famous (or infamous, whatever) and no-one would be forgetting Seifer Almasy's name for a while, which was the best he could hope for under the circumstances. His only real complaint was that he'd never got to do Squall. Damn little Ice Prince had been too thick headed to understand Seifer's interest in him (beyond their rivalry of course, but then, his new interest had been, well, new so he supposed Squall could be forgiven for not recognising the signs).

Seifer walked up the stairs of what was obviously a gallows. Being hanged had not been on his list of things to do in life, but he guessed that it was better than some of the alternatives (being locked in a room with a T-Rexaur, thrown to a Marlboro, spending a few weeks as Selphie's shopping slave etc.). Still, he didn't much like the look of that rope. Someone had obviously been making sure it was scratchy and rough and would cause him the most discomfort possible in the few minutes he'd be able to feel it. And he'd recognise that bag anywhere, he'd only seen it once a day for the last few weeks (carrying, among other things, raw meat, human excrement and once, half a Marlboro tentacle). If that was going on his head, he'd kick the executioner in the balls.

The rope was slung around his neck (yes, very uncomfortable, nice to know how much they cared) and the executioner went for the bag. Everyone started leaning forwards – the atmosphere was so thick you could cut it with a knife – and Seifer could see the bloodlust in their eyes.

So... this was it. This was how he was going to die. Seifer Almasy, Sorceress Knight, Squall's Rival and the Scourge of Galbadia was going to be hanged. Hanged with a bag over his head, not even allowed to stare into their eyes as he died. That sucked. Seifer made a face at the executioner.

"If you put _that_ on my head, I will kill you." He said. Yeah, that sounded good. Fighting words to go down on.

The executioner apparently didn't think so, and spat at Seifer. Luckily, he didn't follow through with the bag, so that was a plus.

"Any last words?" someone asked him. Seifer considered telling him to stuff it. He shook his head instead. After all, they weren't his last words until they were his last words. He kind of wanted his last words to be for Squall's ears only, but Squall wasn't here, so he'd have to settle for telling them to himself when the trapdoor went down.

The guy who'd asked him about his last words started listing his crimes, sounding, if at all possible, more disgusted the more he read out. Seifer adopted a suitably bored yet respectful expression. A woman near the front muttered something about how he had no shame. Seifer made sure to smirk really hard at her and threw in what was probably his last leer for free.

The man finally stopped and motioned to the executioner. There was a lot of movement and Seifer felt a sudden and uncompromising dread, mixed with the revelation that he _did not want to die_.

There was a sudden commotion at the back of the crowd and the floor abruptly fell from beneath his feet.

The next few minutes were slightly confusing. As the rope tightened around his neck (he was lucky his neck didn't break) there was a loud and familiar yell, possibly of anguish, and then a tussle, someone yelling 'GIVE HIM THE GODDAMN GUN IRVINE!' and then the floor was rushing up to greet him, which his legs and feet weren't too happy about but his neck really was.

While he was getting his breath back and rubbing at his neck, there were more yells, a few shots, someone crying out in shock, whispers and then he had Squall slamming him to the ground again.

"Huh?" he said eloquently.

"Bastard." Squall said in reply and punched him in the face.

"Dammit Squall! What was that for?" Seifer asked, rubbing his nose.

"You're an idiot." Squall replied (nice way to treat someone who is very obviously injured). And then he kissed him.

It was a good thing Seifer's lips could work independently from his brain, otherwise that kiss would've been a complete and utter bust. Squall had precisely zero knowledge of how to kiss (he obviously hadn't been doing anything with Rin) and Seifer's brain had spontaneously died.

These are the thoughts that passed through Seifer's brain while Squall was kissing him.

_Squall is kissing me. My neck hurts. My nose hurts. The crowd is noisy. Squall is kissing me. Man, Selphie looks likes she's dying. Huh, Irvine looks put out. Squall is kissing me. Why isn't Zell here? Oh wait, he's just crouched on the floor... Squall is kissing me. Where's Rin- Wait, what was that? SQUALL IS KISSING ME._

And then his brain died.

When it came back to life, it heartily (heh heh) congratulated his lips for a job well done and took over from here. That is to say, he carried on kissing, but added in some tongue action and tried to bring his hands up to make Squall get more into it (he hated handcuffs, suddenly and irrationally).

Somewhat annoyingly, Squall pulled back a bit. Seifer followed him and tried to drag him back. There were a few quiet coughs from the audience. Squall stopped dead and started to blush. Seifer, shameless as ever, glanced over at them and smirked.

"What? Never seen two men kiss before?" he asked.

"Seifer." Squall said, looking very severe.

"No more talking, let's go back to kissing, okay?" Seifer made a grab for Leonhart, but the tricky bastard avoided it.

"You're acquitted." He said. Seifer blinked.

"Good to know. Now back to kissing."

"Seifer."

"Fine, geez. I'm only trying to get you a little action, but Hyne forbid I want you to loosen up when we should be getting me out of this bloodthirsty mob. I tell you Squall, if we carried on kissing, there wouldn't a person out there who would try to stop us. I mean, look at Zell." Seifer gestured to the twitching blond on the floor. "The simple act of us kissing can reduce his brain to mush. Imagine what we could do if we had se-"

"_Seifer_."

Seifer smirked and stood up. He swaggered out from beneath the gallows, Squall beside him. Several annoyed looking Galbadians appeared with Quistis. They were carrying Hyperion and a bunch of keys. Seifer was sure they were lining up to go through the keys one by one and then remember that they'd left the key in their other coat, but Squall gave them one of his 'I wish you would die right now' glares and they shoved in a seemingly random key and practically wet themselves trying to get away.

With his arms free and Hyperion safe in its holster, Seifer felt like himself again. To celebrate, he grabbed Squall and gave him a quick, but messy, kiss and had a bit of a grope (there must be a reason for all those belts, right?), ostensibly to learn his new territory. Squall responded with a knee in his stomach, which Seifer reasoned to mean 'not here', rather than 'don't do that'.

With a bounce in his step and a very much lighter heart, Seifer walked after Squall, sure in the knowledge that his future held danger, intrigue, people attacking him with pitchforks and as much time as feasibly possible spent in bed with Squall.

Oh, and a few days later he came back to kick the executioner in the balls.

* * *

Okay, so I know it's not the best thing ever, but it makes me happy.

_Rethira_


End file.
